Secrets, Lies and Rituals
In an earlier article, I mentioned that people with eating disorders are masters of deceit and lying. It might be hard for others to understand that their loved ones could and would lie to them, but believe me.... they will. Sometimes it is far easier for the anorexic or bulimic to act like they are getting better than it is for them to actually start getting better.
For example. A young woman I know spent several months living with her parents while participating in an intensive outpatient treatment program. Her parents watched her like a hawk, forcing her to sit and eat meals with them, and not letting her use the restroom for a few hours after she would eat. Soon, her routine would be to retire to her room after meals to read. Her parents felt so good that that they were participating in her recovery by doing this. What they didn't know was that she was retiring to her room, turning up the radio, and throwing up into ziplock bags. The next day she would put the baggies in her back pack and leave for the day. At some point during the day, she would throw the baggies into a random dumpster before going home to start the cycle all over again. This went on for several months, and her parents could not understand how she continued to lose weight. Could not understand, that is, until her mother happened to stop by the hospital one day while she was in the outpatient program, to get something out of her car. Her mother found her backpack full of these disgusting baggies of vomit. She said later that she hadn't realized the lengths her daughter would go to to lose weight.
Now I realize that is a gross example, but I want to impress on you how serious the secrets and lies can be. Here are some other examples...
You may sit down to lunch with an anorexic and by the end of the lunch her plate is nearly empty. You compliment her on eating such a good meal ... not knowing that she has a napkin full of sandwich parts in her purse. And did you notice that the french fries weren't actually eaten, they were broken into teeny, tiny peices and hidden under that big, green lettuce leaf?
You may ask the bulimic when she last purged, and she may tell you it's been several weeks. "Good Job!" you say, not knowing that she called in sick the day before to spend the entire day binging and purging. Not knowing that after the 14th purge episode yesterday, she swallowed a handful of laxative pills to clean out any extra calories that might remain in her system.... and then spent the night curled up in pain on the bathroom floor.
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