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Tis the Season to say Goodbye!

© Heather Mudgett.

I began writing on the topic of Eating Disorders here at Suite101.com, back in July 2001. Over the years I've enjoyed not only browsing the net to find new information and timely stories to share, but also hearing from you... the readers who came to the suite and took the time to read my articles.

In the past 6 years I've recieved many emails from you, in addition to the comments and discussions posted here at the suite. Your emails were often encouraging, thanking me for the information I provided. I also heard from many people who were either struggling with an eating disorder themselves, or worried about a friend or loved one who was struggling with an eating disorder. There were also the emails from people who were simply looking for direction to additional information. I've tried to answer every email I recieved, and though I'm certainly no expert, I hope I was able to offer suggestions for direction and support.

It's become clear to me over the past few months that my life has become too crazy, to dedicate the appropriate amount of time to preparing a monthly article for publication here at the Suite. So, although I'm sure I'll miss it, I have decided to step down as Contributing Editor of the Eating Disorder topic here at Suite101.com.

Before I go, let me give you an update on my situation. When I started here back in '98,I was 31 years old, pregnant with my first child, and frustrated that after so many years I still felt haunted by eating disorders. Here I am now, 37 years old. I'm still married, and now have 3 small children. I continue to work full time at an often stressful job. So do I still find myself slipping back into those nasty old habits. Yes.... but not nearly as frequently. In the past, when faced with stressful or emotional situations, my primary coping mechanism was chronic binging & purging, and ridiculous obssesiveness about my weight. Now days, I guess I feel I have too many responsibilities (home, husband, kids, job), to fully slip back into that destructive rut. I can't afford to get into that brain-dead pattern. I'm not saying I'm cured. I do still slip from time to time, and purge. I do still keep a spare box of laxatives in the upboard, just in case I feel the need to use them. Would I like to rapidly lose 20 lbs? Be a size 2 instead of a size 6? Have people comment on how thin I am? ABSOLUTELY! I crave it! I'm fairly certain that craving will always be there... hiding in the dark corners of my mind... whispering in my ear and tempting me back to the old ways. Also, even though many of my bad habits have faded to the shadows, I continue deal major dental issues... at 37 I shouldn't be hearing the dentist talking about 'bone loss', but so it goes.

The copyright of the article Tis the Season to say Goodbye! in Eating Disorders is owned by Christina Alwan. Permission to republish Tis the Season to say Goodbye! in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.