Do Children Understand What Stealing is All About?
"When my 5-year-old son came home from school with change clinking in his pockets, I knew he was up to something," says Claude, father of Max. "My wife and I confronted him, and after a short time, he admitted he took the money from a little girl's lunch bag."
At one time or another, most young children will take something that doesn't belong to them. They believe everything is theirs. As adults we call it stealing, but do children really perceive it as such?
"Children in the preschool years are often mixed up in their real and make believe worlds," says Dr. Maurice Barbezieux, a child psychiatrist at Montreal's Sacré Coeur Hospital. "Adults will call it stealing, but children do not always see it like that. They don't yet have the understanding of the cause and effect stealing has. When they want something -- they'll take it. Many times they don't give it a second thought."
As parents, we know stealing is not an acceptable behavior. That's a fundamental law in all cultures and societies. Children may not have mastered all the laws of society, but they have to learn them. Until they do, they may take things that don't belong to them. How can you help your child to comprehend that stealing is unacceptable?
"A preschool child will begin to understand that taking an object that belongs to someone else is wrong from seeing our reactions," says Dr. Barbezieux. "Parents and other caregivers demonstrate their disapproval -- just as the owner of the toy will."
There are many reasons why a child might take something that doesn't belong to him, but three common reasons are impulse, peer pressure and the need for attention.
Impulse Stealing -- The child may want a toy, and without giving its ownership a second thought, he takes it and puts it in his pocket. His action might be impulsive, but he knows it is not right and hides the object.
Peer Pressure -- Children learn early to dare other children or to tell them they must prove themselves in order for them to fit in.
Attention Seeking -- Lack of self-esteem coupled with personal, home or school problems sometimes cause children to steal. Even negative attention is attention, and these children desperately need to be noticed.
What to Do It's important to make it clear to kids that stealing isn't okay, but it's just as important not to over-react. How can parents find the right balance?
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