Children under the age of six are still in the pre-operational stage where they have difficulty differentiate fact from fiction. They play make believe and have a vivid imagination. Unless a concept is concrete or tangible, children will need patience and understanding when repeating and if need be re-repeating certain non-tangible concepts.
Death is one of those concepts. It will not be understood over night. Be ready to answer questions, over and over again. The same questions might be asked many times. Be honest with your answers and give simple answers about the information that was asked. If you elaborate too much, the child will not be able to understand and you'll probably add more confusion than needed.
Children have a hard time understanding death as they see it as a reversible event. They expect the deceased person to come back or wake up. Why would they leave? If they are happy in their environments - why wouldn't the deceased person come back to this? Telling them the deceased person went for a better life, makes them ask -what's wrong with this one?
When you tell them that they'll never come back , they won't understand. 'Never' is an abstract concept therefore children can't understand how long never will be.
The children will understand things literally therefore it is important not to tell the child that the deceased person is sleeping. If the person is sleeping, questions of breathing, eating, feeling temperature, going to the bathroom will all make a young child wonder. Not knowing the answers or being able to ask the right questions can frightened a young child. When will the deceased have enough and wake up? Won't he get cold in a coffin underneath the snow? Your answers are not too confuse the child, they're to clarify things for the child.
Children of this age believe the world revolves around them. They might have gotten mad at the deceased and might feel responsible for the death. They believe their anger or wishful thinking might be the cause of the death. Just as they might be angry towards the deceased for leaving them.
They might feel a sense of abandonment. It is important to acknowledge their sadness and fear, but secure them verbally, with patience and affection. Sadness can be felt at any age. They will feel a loss and will long for that person especially if the loved one is a close relative or friend. Some children will be affected in lack of appetite, lack of sleep, disturbing dreams, aggressiveness and/or a down feeling.
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