When Someone You Love Is Ill

On June 30, my 57 year-old father was diagnosed with colon cancer. I had never heard of this disease. I received this horrible and confusing news after hours. The library was closed, so I turned to the Internet for information. I needed to know what this disease was all about. How could my father be cured? What I could do to comfort my Dad? My Mom? Were my children going to lose their only grandfather?

My first stop was Gut Feelings. I found them through the Yahoo! Search Engine, where there were 19 cancer sites. They contained information on the different stages of the cancer, the possible treatments, diets and possible causes - theories. The sites were detailed but I needed more human interaction.

On July 7, my father under went surgery to remove 12 inches of his colon along with a tumor the size of a kiwi. During the operation, the surgeons found "mets" (metastasis) all over his liver and lymph-nodes. He was diagnosed colon cancer Stage IV - unfortunately, his chances are slim.

To help me pull myself together, I found a mailing list on the Internet through The Association of Cancer Online Resources Inc, where I signed up for The Colon Cancer Mailing List. At this site, I found information about the disease, on the different treatments and medications. The best part of this list are the participants are mostly patients suffering colon cancer, diagnosed with Stages I to IV. Caregivers, relatives, friends and members of the medical community also participate asking questions and sharing stories. They also share funny anecdotes - they call themselves the "semi-colons." I could find out how to try to get by with this fatal disease. I finally found a support system.

At our local cancer support patients office, I tried a face-to-face support group that met every Thursday nights. But as a family member rather than the one with the disease, I felt like an outsider. I realize, I'm very demanding. I need more. I don't know when I'll need to talk my emotions through or have questions. The group on the Net was open to everyone and anytime. Being a member of the ListServe lets me reach someone by turning on my computer, on a daily if not an hourly basis. I'm also participating when a new member comes in. I can give URLs, share our story, and share my sadness too.

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