We do our best to avoid these people, but sometimes we find ourselves in the unfortunate position of hosting them in our homes. Now that the holiday season is upon us, the chances of this increase. No matter the season or the reason, though, you do want to get through the event with minimum hassle and discomfort.
Know Your Motivation. Why did you agree to host this person? To maintain peace in the family? For your job’s sake? No way to exclude him from the group? Consider the reason, because it will give you perspective.
If your mother asked you to invite your estranged sister to dinner and you felt the idea of family was important enough to do so, keeping that in mind will carry you through rough moments. Maybe you’re throwing an office party. Your motive is likely to be in part workplace morale and harmony. Remind yourself of those benefits–and others that ripple out from them–when you include everyone on the guest list. When your in-laws arrive for a week at your spouse’s invitation, look at his big smile or listen to her animated voice to remember the gift you gave out of love.
Set a Goal. Make it specific and simple, and something you can do. Don’t write, for example, that you’d like to get through the weekend without your mother complaining. You can’t control your mother’s behavior. Nor do you want to write something vague like, “Don’t react when my mother complains.” That’s huge and you’re likely to fail. You probably won’t be able to stop feeling hurt or annoyed, or hide all those small physical reactions (a wince, pursed lips, grinding teeth). Try something like this: “I will not respond verbally when my mother complains” or “No matter how much I want to, I will not punch my father-in-law when he insults my wife.” If nothing else, the mental challenge will help the time pass.
Negotiate the Best Parameters You Can. If someone is visiting from out of town, does she have to stay with you? Offer to make hotel reservations. To limit the length, tell your guests exactly which dates you are available. If you don’t want pets to visit, ask your guest what his plans for Max are. Don’t allow too many people to descend on you. A legitimate excuse is that you don’t have the room or resources to host more. (Maybe other arrangements will be suggested and you’ll be off the hook.) For a specific event, make the hours clear and indicate if it is adults only.
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