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When the other parent does not cooperate

© Annelies Mouring

When you got a divorce you probably became familiar with the terms “shared parental responsibility” . If you had a half-way sufficient lawyer they probably even explained to you what that meant. However, I’m not always sure that someone explained to the other parent. Most of my those who come seeking changes in the divorce decree come looking for change in the current decree because the current decree is not working. In most of the cases, either the former spouse thinks that the money in child support goes to pay for the whims of the custodial parent, or the other parent is non-compliant with some term or another.

Children need the love and support of both parents. However, once a divorce is final sometimes its much harder than it looks. Raising children can be a hard task for even two parents. Sometimes emotions and feelings cloud that pure and simple theory.

Pick your battles. Don’t go to court over every little thing. Pick only the important things. For Example, every week during visitation you child never calls, this is something that you could haul the other parent into court for. Do you want to? Well maybe. Is it worth it? Probably not. No one ever said that divorce was easy. Don’t take it personally The non-custodial parent may not always participate. Don’t take it personally when that parent does not attend. Encourage the openness and fulfill your obligation by extending the invitation. Don’t get the children upset by promising something that might not happen. So by taking the personal out of the attendance, children will learn that there are disappointments in life but they are only small. Avoid negativity attached to the situation by avoiding name calling and excuses. Let the non-custodial parent explain an absence.

The Best interest standard applies even after the divorce

Remember that each parent has a duty in most jurisdictions to include the non-custodial parent in all parts and aspects of the children’s life. Try to make this happen. By fulfilling this duty your child will prosper—that’s what counts.

Everyone has disappointments Your children will grow up and find that life is not always fair. Let them know despite the fact that child support check is not there, or that Mom did not send that birthday card, or that Dad did not come to the baseball game is sad and disappointing. Allow them to express their feelings of disappointment, but also let them know that its not the end of the world either. They know that you love them, that they can get support for you whenever they need it. Letting them understand that they may be disappointed many times in their lives might make them stronger later.

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