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Holiday connection alive- Divorced parents and holiday planning

© Annelies Mouring

Around the holidays, the family connection can be extremely important. Each family has a unique tradition that may be lost when families separate. In spite of a divorce, many think that they will no longer have to deal with the ex-in-laws, however in the ideal world this should not be true. However, being flexible for certain holiday events can make things easier when planning your own festivities.

Although many states make provisions for “grandparent” visitation, many times it does not include any Holiday time but rather a monthly or even yearly visit only. Making provisions and allowing visitation itself is often short and does not make provisions for other family visitation, especially where the family lives out of town or where the visitation warrants special circumstances such as supervised or out-of state visitation. Flexibility is always the key and it is usually a win-win situation for both the kids and the family.

It can be hard once a relationship between the adults has come to a close to continue a relationship with the parents or other family of your former spouse. However, in many cases that family was well aware of the situations that led to the divorce and may not blame or may understand or even not consider, the events that occurred during the divorce.

Here are some basic ideas that might make it a bit easier:

Don’t take advantage, but offer visitation in exchange for babysitting for Christmas shopping, Christmas parties.

Remember the kids are still part of the family of both sets of parents and can learn from traditions from both set of parents.

Encourage contact. Let the children call, send cards, write letters on important holidays.

Parents should remember that the children do benefit from the visits of grandparents or other family.

Call the grandparents or other family and let them know that even though there is no court order to do so, visitation will still be allowed and encouraged, if planned in advance.

Send pictures of holiday plays and other special events.

Discuss with the other parent how he/she wants to deal with holiday visitation.

If you are in the neighborhood, allow the children to see the grandparents/other family.

Inform extended family of important activities such as Christmas plays, choir, and pageants.

Be willing to allow an exchange of days even though your Divorce decree may not say it.

Remember that one of the most important things about the holidays is family.,

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