Trying to Handle the Impossible Parent.
Being a divorced parent can sometimes be very difficult. On many occasions it seems as though there is no end in sight and many divorced parents become so frustrated they wonder why they did not continue with a relationship with the ex-spouse as they had to deal less with them then. They are attempting to continue a "joint" responsibility in a situation where lack of compromise and cooperation was the root of the problem and the one of the reasons for the divorce in the first place. In addition, feelings and human nature make the situation even more trying.
When the court system coined the words "shared parental responsibility", it was clear that this was the ideal rather than the norm. Although, it is a requirement of the law, it is not always followed. Much like it is against the law to exceed the speed limit, a majority of persons break this law daily. Not to say that since everyone is doing it, it is acceptable. As a matter of fact it is not acceptable. However, there are many parents who have been ordered to have "shared parental responsibility" and do not follow the rules. For example, many do not pay court-ordered child support, many do not consult the other parent in matters "affecting the well-being and major life decisions" concerning the child. Why? Many times it is impossible to do so.
Most of the non-compliance of divorce decrees requiring "shared parental responsibility" and support fit into those two categories. There is no easy way to accept or change it. However, there is help. Seek professional help in either case. Remember:
For non-payment of child support/unknown whereabouts situation:
1. NEVER, base visitation on payment of child support. Use the courts to seek payment. Contempt of court works both ways and the non-paying parent can have you held in contempt for denying visitation NO matter what amount they owe.
2. If the non-custodial parent's whereabouts are unknown, still keep good records and send progress reports. Do a diligent search for him, use http://www.infoseek.com
or http://www.peoplesearch.com.
Send letters to the last known address or a relative's house. Make sure that you keep any returned mail for proof. Make sure that you send regular letters from the children, copies of report cards and any other information that seems important. Don't worry about the "return to sender" letters; they can only document the non-custodial parent's lack of participation.
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