Letters from the other parent

When divorced parents fail to communicate with each other, one of the best solutions is to communicate in writing. Writing can, in many instances, be a clear and concise means of communication. It makes the wishes of that parent very clear and, in most instances, hard to misinterpret. Writing also does not argue.

However, if the communication is poor between parents anyway, sometimes even the writings can be aggravating and seem to be argumentative. It is best to avoid any feelings with any communication between the other parent.

Things to remember when you receive a letter of this type:

1. Note the date of receipt, method of receipt, and any pertinent information on the original letter.

Write the date that you got the letter, how the letter came, and any information that might help you remember the subject matter of the letter if you were to read the letter again a year from its receipt.. i.e. "received 5/2/00, via registered U.S. Mail, re: Michelle's not wearing a seat belt in Carlos' truck."

2. Always send a reply.

Respond to all letters, no matter how silly the subject may seem to you. Be cordial- respond only to the subject matter of the original letter. For example: "I received your letter of 5/2/00 where you were concerned about Michelle not wearing a seat belt. I agree that wearing a seat belt is important. In the future, I think we should both lead by example by both wearing seat belts as I know that we are both guilty of that. Currently, I am checking into putting seat belts into Carlos' truck, even though his vehicle is exempt per law. I am sure that you would help me afford such an expense, being that it is beneficial to our daughter. I will contact you with a quote when I have one and we can make a decision at that time. Thank you for bringing this matter to my attention."

3. Save the envelope and any other reply letters.

Staple the envelope to the original letter. It is very hard to argue with postmarks if you need to prove date of receipt.

4. Avoid any feelings.

Don't get worked up over the letter. Remember that this form of communication is more effective than yelling. The other parent does have the right to express feelings and you have the right to respond.

5. Try and understand the reason behind the correspondence.

The other parent might have a valid argument. Try and think about the children's interest. It might be a something that could benefit everyone.

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