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After the Wedding What Should a Step Parent be Called

© Annelies Mouring

After the "I do's" are said, the relationship between the children of the new spouse might change considerably. It is here that a new "step-parent" might have to choose a new name or rather keep the old one. Many times the children ask to call the new step-parent "Mom" or "Dad" but the best solution always lies within your own situation.

Do what is comfortable

Try and remember to do what makes you feel comfortable. A step-parent can be the best parent even if they are called Joan or Bob rather than Mom or Dad.

Sometimes names are just that - names. It also takes time to develop a comfortable relationship that might not yet warrant a name change. Don't push it. It might cause more hard feelings in the end if the children are forced to do something that they are not ready for.

Have respect for the other parent

The children have another parent. Give respect to that parent as they will always be the Mom or Dad. Having a name change to "Mom" or "Dad" could be stepping on the other parent's toes.

Having the children call their newest step-parent Mom or Dad might confuse the children, especially the younger ones. Many times people make too big an issue over titles and that just makes the children more confused.

The children know when the roles are being fulfilled. Most think in terms of roles. For example, all teachers are teachers, but they all have different names. Children are not confused by that.

A first name is not disrespectful

Allowing children to call a step-parent by a first name is a matter of principle and very appropriate. By allowing the children to call a step-parent by their first name it gives the step-parent a special name that is typically used by adults only.

Make it clear

The best advice is to make sure that the children know who is who and leave the decision up to them. The important thing is that the role of parent is the same whether or not it is called by something else.

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