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Birthdays

© Annelies Mouring

Birthdays in a divorced family can be a difficult event. Typically, there is no right way to handle this occasion but here are a few tips to make the situation a bit simpler.

1. Remember whose celebration it is. Try and put aside differences and enjoy and participate in the festivities.

2. If a joint celebration is not possible have different parties. Every child likes to celebrate their birthday more than once. If you can't make the primary party, have a smaller one during visitation.

3. Don't try and compete over the size and quantity of gifts from the other parent.

4. Follow the court order as to who will have the child during visitation.

5. If the order is silent, try and work out an alternating yearly schedule so that the birthday can be shared between parents.

6. If you can't be there on the day of the birthday, make sure that you call, send a card or send a present. Don't have sour grapes because you can't be there.

7. Don't undermine the other parent's party plans, guest list or presents that were given. That is petty and just does not help anything.

8. Birthdays are a special time and competition and bad feelings should not enter into the gift buying/giving or the occasion.

9. When buying gifts, don't try and replace or duplicate items that the child may have at the other parent's house.

10. One parent should let other parent know what they are getting the child as well as the party plans so that they will not get or do the same thing in order to avoid duplication.

11. Involve the other parent as much as possible. Try to remember that you had a child together and that was important once.

12. Enjoy the party and take lots of pictures.

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