However, many non-custodial parents never get over that loss and instead take it out on their children. Rather than deal with the restrictions they wash their hands of the whole situation rather than confront feelings of rejection.
One of the fallacies that custodial parents and non-custodial parents are faced with is the fact that being divorced means that they will no longer have to deal with their ex. Actually, divorced parents must work together and cooperate with the other more so than when they were married.
Just like with life, being a non-custodial parent will only be as good as you let it be. The best advice that can be given to the non-custodial parent is to be patient and understanding of your children's schedules. Try and be involved in them rather than be difficult and require that the children cancel their plans for you. This can only foster resentment toward you. Join little league as a coach, attend all the basketball games or learn to listen to tuba music. Children's activities ALWAYS require some type of volunteer time. Make time for your children. Even if you live in another town, if finances permit, book a hotel in the area around the big tournament or activity and spend the weekend doing what your children do.
Call often or write. Use instant message (www.aol.com, www.microsoft.com, www.yahoo.com,) or a chat room to keep up with the children's activities. Be involved.
Don't be confused with the reasons behind child support. The purpose of child support is not to support your ex-spouse's spending habits. Children are expensive to raise. Since the children are part yours, it is also part your responsibility to pay for them, despite the fact that they do not live in the same house. That responsibility did not end because of a divorce. Remember that just because your child support check goes into the same account as the ex-spouse's paycheck does not mean that it does not cover electricity, water and the roof over your child's head.
Find support. Misery does love company. Here are a few sites that I found particularly useful: http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Meado...
http://www.fnf.org.uk/fnfindex.htm
Be a better non-custodial parent: Be there and be involved. Your children will profit from it. No one said it was easy...
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