Tom and Mary are divorced and have 3 kids, Marianne, Emily and Hunter. Tom has custody. Mary has visitation the last 2 weekends out of every month and on Wednesday night from 6-8. Tom has re-married and Mary has had a steady boyfriend since the divorce. One Christmas, Tom decided that he had to have the kids on Christmas eve and not Christmas day because his new wife's family wanted them to visit without the kids to celebrate. As to not make waves with the new family, Tom calls Mary and suggests that the kids go to her for Christmas day. After a big argument over the "order" she agrees but has to change plans to do so.
The following year, Mary asks Tom about who will have Christmas day with the kids. Mary makes plans anticipating the Christmas day as last year. However, Tom and new wife's family have had a falling out and Tom decides that he wants to wake up with the kids on Christmas Day.
Not only are the kids confused, but Tom has changed his mind again. Tom seems wishy-washy. Furthermore, he pushes the kids off on the non-custodial parent to fit his needs and not theirs. In addition, Mary feels that Tom is no longer reliable and may undermine his authority. It may start out as "just Christmas" but in most cases, spans into much more.
Don't get it wrong. Parents are entitled to time away from the children but first make the visitation schedule, confirm it and then make plans around it. For example, you want to go scuba diving on vacation. Don't call the non-custodial parent and say that you want them to take the kids on this date, instead you know that the other parent has the second weekend of the month. Call and confirm the visitation "I know that you are scheduled on such and such a date, you will be taking the kids on that date, I am making plans that require advance preparation, I want to make sure that you will be visiting with the kids that weekend."
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