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"She does not live with me" -- A less than part-time parent.

© Annelies Mouring

I have said before that much of my subject matter ideas come from the things that happened to my god-child. That is true. Recently, something happened that caused me to take a look at the sad state and ill effects of divorce.

A little background on my god child's parents. I was once very good friends with her dad and his family. Now, I see the true effects that the break-up of that marriage has resulted in. The marriage of my old friend and the child's mom was very necessary. Don't get me wrong. He hated and resented her and she made his life miserable. They got married for all the wrong reasons and to this day hate each other more than when they were married. If I would say that there was a marriage that was meant to fail from the beginning it would be that one. Unfortunately, their marriage produced one child and a very nasty divorce. The '80s movie Kramer v. Kramer or even the movie with Danny Devito as the nasty divorce lawyer, War of the Roses, would not even depict the kind of childish behavior that their divorce contained.

I was in law school at the time and really could not have legally prepared for such a battle. I have to say that it really opened my eyes as to the reality of what a judge must decide in choosing between one parent vs. another.

All this seems kind of a long introduction to explain what I was going to discuss this week, but believe me it is necessary. Anyway, after all is said and done, Mom gets custody Dad pays child support. Dad doesn't believe that payment is completely necessary and without the income deduction order mom has to fight to get it. I don't think I know many people that have scheduled that many contempt hearings to date. It happens -- often. Dad expressed many times during our friendship how much he did not want to pay "her" because the expenses did not go directly to the child but instead went to the mother. Instead I know where all that money goes - shelter, clothes, food etc.

Needless to say, Dad moved out of town (about 2 hours away) and only his parents live close. Mom who does not want to disrupt the bond between the grandparents and the child allows the child to visit 3 weekends a month, the court-ordered visitation.