An Obligation to a child

It a very sad thing to realize that the years to adulthood of your child may not be influenced by your reflections and experiences. This is a realization that many parents should never have to come to but many have. This realization is one that your child is not being raised by you but by another - your ex-spouse and another parent. The summer visits are no more than "obligation" to you and an excuse to avoid summer camp to your child. The monthly child support check is burden not as much as the payment of the money but that it is a painful reminder that you are not a part of your child's life. The non-custodial parent or the parent that is merely a visitor in their child's life must deal with the fact that they see their child not on a regular basis but on occasion.

The Court's Order
Often times the court order says that the parents must share in the responsibility of raising the child. However, when one parent is separated by geographical distances, day-to-day decisions like discipline and milk money and public vs. Private schools are rarely discussed. Over time the "shared responsibility" obligation becomes one parent writing the child support check and the other raising the child. Often times a bitter divorce caused the break-up of the marriage and despite court order to the contrary, the former spouse paints a bad picture of the parent.

Obligation vs. Involvement
Many times in this situation obligation and sense of duty is the only reason that the visits continue. As the child sees and feels that sense of obligation rather than attachment, the visits become also obligation for the child. This vicious circle seems to be a bad deal for both child and parent. Is there a solution? Endurance, Love, and involvement. As the child grows into an adult, perseverance in the child's life during the younger years can show the child that you intend despite difficulties in your relationship to remain a permanent fixture.

Regularity and fulfilling promises made
Keep your promises. If you promise to call every Sunday, call every Sunday. Call if possible at the same time to show your child that you are someone they can count on. Children need stability. Send letters or cards or e-mail. Try and make your name a constant in your child's life. Send pictures of yourself and family members that the child may never or rarely interacts with. It may not be immediate but your child will come to realize what Mark Twain said about his own father "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I was twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years." Part of it is growing up but the rest will be left to more than realizing the obligation but staying part of the permanent picture.

Go To Page: 1 2

Articles in this Topic    Discussions in this Topic