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Single parenting Discipline

© Annelies Mouring

Being a single parent makes the job of parenting an even more difficult task. For the major life decisions in most situations the custodial parent should contact the other parent. Those type of decisions would be the ones on schooling, or summer camp, However, those are not the only decisions that are made as parents. A parent must make many choices and decisions daily. These decisions are mostly discipline related.

Although many single parents would like the help of the other parent in these daily tough decisions, it is not feasible to contact the other parent to seek advice. So discipline usually remains the sole responsibility of the custodial parent.

Single parenting extends way beyond the courtroom. Where the jurisdiction of the court ends, the real fight begins - raising a child of divorced parents. Many divorced parents feel guilty, feel it is hard to be the disciplinarian when they are their child's only advocate. However, this can lead to undisciplined children. Children need structure and boundaries. In an environment where structure is less likely due to the change of schedules and shared parenting, a lack of discipline can only make matters worse.

Consistency in discipline can help to set those boundaries. Knowing that every other Friday your child will be going to the other parent and that the discipline will continue there is helpful to the child. It would be a perfect world if this happened. Try talking to the other parent when the child is picked up or dropped off for visitation. Telling that parent that your child is grounded on Saturday for skipping school will show and establish consistency. However when that is not possible, show that the punishment will be continued on the child's return. However, be warned that can have some repercussions since the child may want to change where they live thinking that they get no discipline with the other parent. It won't take long to realize that "the grass is not always greener."

Talking to other caregivers might relieve some of the discipline pressure off your shoulders. A teacher, grandparent or other caregiver might maintain the boundaries set where the other parent fails. This tactic might be helpful even when a non-custodial parent does participate.

Seek help if necessary. There are little legal effects but the "best interest" of our children are at stake. Don't be afraid of legal interaction where none exists. Do seek counseling if the problem requires it.

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