The bribery visit© Annelies Mouring
May 18, 1999
Many times the child of a divorced parent does not for one reason or another wish to see the other parent. When forced with this decision, the other parent will offer some type of "bribe" or enticement to the child to convince that child that the visit is worth it to the child. (see article 5/12/99, Common mistakes made when your child does not want to visit) When this happens coping with the "bribery" before the visit can make it easier when the child returns. Legally, there are not many options that can stop this type of behavior. Handle this behavior at the emotional level instead.
Communication is key in the custodial parent situation. "If the relationship suffered from a lack of communication prior to the divorce, having open communication with an ex-spouse might be even more difficult now. It might be possible that the other parent is not aware of this "bribery" behavior. Always try an open approach first if possible, but since each situation is different, other options might be necessary. If open communication is not possible, then a more creative approach might be in order. Here are some examples of things to say and things to avoid:
·Try saying "Tommy does not need a video game to visit you, he wants to see you but sometimes its hard.". Avoid saying "You are a jerk that is why your child doesn't want to see you."
·Avoid making excuses for the child's unwillingness to visit or leave room for an argument by avoiding open ended questions. For example, "Why must you bribe her with things you know I cannot give Mary because you don't give me enough child support?" instead say " I am sure that Joan will love a Sony Playstation. By the way, she is having a little problem with spelling. Could you help her with spelling and cut down on the game time?"
·Don't blame the other parent by saying "If you weren't such a jerk when Sally is there, you would not have to bribe her with a video game." Instead say "Timmy is having difficulty adjusting to your new life, giving him items will not make the adjustment any easier." When the bribery continues despite your attempts to stop it, help your child to understand the situation. Following a few guidelines will help: · Be honest.
· Be understanding of the child's willingness to now go and visit.
· Explain the reason for the bribe.
Go To Page:
1
2
|
