Sharing a Child

At the final step of the divorce the judge tells you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse that the responsibility of the children's upbringing rests with both of you. Many states call this "shared parental responsibility" or "joint custody." Whatever the label of the jurisdiction, the effect is the same - you must now make an effort to share the duties of parenting with the non-custodial parent. During the marriage and through the divorce this might have been second nature. However, once the parents separate and move into separate residences, maybe move to a new town, or become officially apart, the task becomes more difficult. Ensuring that the children are included in both parents' lives becomes a conscious effort. Children need the love and support of both parents. Studies have shown that children who have the influence of both parents lead healthy lives. Of course, there are exceptions, but if a few extra steps make sure that our children have every advantage why not take them?

Copy artwork/schoolwork - Children bring home lots of papers, work and drawings from the time they start pre-school to high school. Seeing these works of creation of their children makes parents proud. Seeing returned homework can help us aid our children to be better at tasks that they are not excelling in or can show us their strong points. However, if one parent never sees the items, they can be left out of the process. So, copy the work or the art, and send some originals. This does not mean you have to include every stick of paper your 2-year-old draws on, but give a sampling. The non-custodial parent still has the right to know what happens daily and artwork/schoolwork is a big part of every child's life.

Send report cards/progress reports - Copy and send any type of progress reports from school/day care on your child. This can help the non-custodial parent keep track of progress as well. Send good and bad reports. By sending the bad reports, the custodial parent shows that they are not just showing the "ups" and can share the parental responsibility of raising a child. This does not show failure or that the custodial parent is not doing a proper job, it shows that children are human and require guidance.

Encourage letters and phone calls - Have the child call and/or write. This should apply to both the custodial parent and non-custodial parent. Encourage open communications with the other parent during periods of absences. This can teach our children that the open door policy is best. This will also to help leave open lines of communication if a problem does develop.

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