While visiting recently with the mom of one of my daughter's friends, I made a joke I've often made. The last time Anna (my child) had visited them, she was 1 1/2 hours late because, unbeknownst to me, she had gone boating with them (they live on a river, so it's an easy matter for them to jump in and go off on a whim). This mom told me that she accepted the blame for this, and that I shouldn't upset Anna by punishing her for failing to clear such an outing with me first. I replied, "No, she gets the blame, because she knows better. Besides, it's my goal in life to make sure that when she's an adult, she'll have real stories of parental torture to share with her therapist rather than having to resort to false memories." The mom and her friend looked absolutely shocked, and we went on to discuss other matters. Finally, her friend mumbled, "Gee, I thought most parents did everything they could to make sure their kids don't need therapy at all..."
Obviously, my joke wasn't funny to her. Perhaps she just didn't know me well enough to understand my sense of humor. Perhaps I'm the only one in the world that finds me to be funny. Perhaps she'd been through therapy herself; then again, so have I, and I still find the thought funny. Or perhaps the fact that she'd had a few drinks had dulled her sense of humor.
Anyhow, I was bothered by her reaction, and analyzed it most of the way home. Was my comment rude? I don't think so. Why didn't she find it the least bit funny? I have no clue, and probably never will.
My final thought on the incident was simply, "Why is the thought of her child ever going to therapy so horrifying to her?" It's the old "your junk is someone else's treaure" thing, I think. As a parent, I too hope that I've taught my children vital coping skills so that they can deal with the cards they're played as adults. But, to me, seeking counseling is a sign of mental strength, not weakness; it an indication of coping skill, not of an inability to cope.
Save the Children!
In the same vein, in my city a new recreation center for the mentally disabled is being built. Residents in the planned area are (surprise, surprise) in a tizzie about the whole situation; they're foisting the usual banner of potential loss of property value. Even the minister of the church/parochial school across the street from the site is "freaking" as my daughter would say; he's expressing fear that mentally ill clients will bring harm to school children.
