What is a family?
During the diversity workshops I lead, a rather standard question I ask is, "In what ways are we different from one another?" Family status is one of the most common responses. I agree with most respondents that the word "family" no longer has a set definition in the U.S.
My first thought when I think "family" is Mom, Dad, two kids and a dog - and while this is an apt description of my family, I do think this picture comes from the "olden days," when I was a kid and the nuclear family ruled (I'm now 35). My own childhood family did not match this sterotype; I grew up in a home with Mom, Dad (who started out with the label "stepfather", although he was a Dad in every sense of the word from the moment he entered our lives), five kids, and occasional pets. But my husband and I do have two children (a boy and a girl) and a dog (neutered).
Among my own social circle, I see families made up of single parents (never married and formerly married), married parents, blended families, couples with no children, extended family members serving as surrogate parents, parents with birth children, and parents with adoptive children. Some of these families are uni-racial/ethnic; a number are bi- multi-racial/ethnic. At different points in my life, I've also known homosexual couples.
I guess I could go on forever. The long and short of it is that "family" is indeed a very important word with a very vague definition these days. As I wrote this, I struggled to find the right words to express my opinion of families and their current status in the U.S.
You see, I often feel that family life is going to heck in a handbasket. In my perfect world, two people meet, get to know one another, marry each other, weigh the pros and cons of having children, create or don't create those children, and dedicate themselves fully to raising healthy, happy children if they are so blessed. In my Utopia, parents choose intensive family therapy rather than divorce, they don't leave simply because they are unhappy, people don't have sex without considering whether their mate will make a good parent, married people don't think affairs are worth the consequences, and children never doubt they are wanted.
I often leap to the conclusion that the diminishing number of two-parent families and rising divorce rate are the root of all family evils. But, the more I think about it, the more I realize it is not necessarily divorced or separated parents who should be blamed. Instead, I think there is a larger picture, one in which too many adults (single and married) don't contemplate the true meaning of "love, honor and cherish...til death do us part", and too many put their own needs above the happiness of the children. We too often make selfish choices, figuring the kids will just get used to it.
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