In a few weeks, the memory of this now-horrifying incident will be a vague memory for most of us; unfortunately, I think it is safe to lay odds that within a few months the shock of yet another hate crime will fill the airwaves. Targeting certain people for harm because of their race/ethnicity, sexual orientation, age, or whatever, has become almost commonplace, it seems.
Why do people grow to hate?
I, of course, accept that there are situations in which, despite great parenting, despite having every advantage in life, a person becomes violent and full of hate. Sometimes, they simply choose to hate. Sometimes, they are mentally ill. As a parent, I am very interested in why a person commits violent crime; I believe (perhaps naively) that if I can know why, I can ensure that my children will never choose that path.
Following are a few conclusions I've drawn from having read and heard interviews with the families of violent offenders.
1. Many of those family members, especially parents, are fanatical defenders and/or excusers of their children's actions. The father of one of the men charged in Shepard's death, for instance, said his son (a grown man) was upset because Shepard had flirted at him in front of other college students. Unfortunately, I think that this is almost the norm in American society today.
I personally am willing to admit that sometimes my kids have done dumb things, and I do not "protect" them from the consequences of their poor choices. I may cry along with them, but they must learn that from their mistakes; I cannot do that for them.
2. Parents of violent offenders often state that their child is mentally disturbed, yet seldom have I heard that the families did seek counseling for them prior to their final act of violence. For example, one of the boys involved in the school shooting in Jonesboro, Arkansas, had been accused of sexual abuse against another child the year before. Regardless of whether the boy's parents felt he was guilty, would it not have been logical to seek counseling to help him get through the stress such accusations would naturally cause? Proper counselling might have stopped the Jonesboro incident from ever occuring; at the very least, there may have been some warning.
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