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Conflict Resolution, Part One of Two

© Deborah Jeter

Adverse behavior and bullying from peers can impede and thwart the desire to learn. Violence seems to only perpetrate more violence. Don't get me wrong. I realize that conflict is inevitable. We are all different to some degree, with different views and needs. However, often it's not the existence of conflict that is the problem but rather the lack of conflict resolution skills that challenges us.

Take this for an example:
When was the last time that someone yelled at you to remember something or reprimanded you for doing something wrong? Did it make you want to do as that person yelling at you was requesting or demanding? Most likely, NOT! In fact, when we yell or shout angrily with someone, it usually just inflames their attitude negatively toward us and all learning is shut down. Except for teaching them how NOT to get someone to accomplish.

For us to be better educators, we need to instill in our students the skills they will need in order to have more appropriate responses and attitudes toward others.

There are false and there are real conflicts. Only the real conflicts have to be resolved. Disagreements do not have to be resolved. Teaching the difference between conflicts and disagreements is a key element in conflict resolution. The teachers that enable their students with these resolution skills are also helping them to have a more accepting attitude of others' views and is in my opinion is one of the biggest and most needed changes in today's society.

THE KEY

The KEY to conflict resolution is focusing on the interests, not the positions of each party.

COMMUNICATION is always an important step in the resolution of a conflict or confrontation with someone.

CONFLICT is good when:

Conflict signals discontent or allows you to view the environment by looking for the source ofthe problem.
conflict turns bad into good - when you resolve your problem.
Conflict fosters unity and understanding - when your problem solve and you are able to reach an agreement with the person you were in conflict with. A win-win situation.
Self conflict produces behavior changes - POSITIVE behavior change for successful communication.

Conflict is bad when:

It esculates things from bad to worse.
FIVE LEVELS OF ESCALATION:
1. From ingratiation to threats.
   
2. From one issue to many issues.
   
3. From specifics to general.
   
4. From self-concern to pyabacks.
   
5. From me and you to others.

HOSTILITY and FEAR

Hostility and Fear develop when people's interests don't get met.

1. Involved parties become enemies.