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Music of the Heart - Peter Ilych Tchaikovsky - Page 2© John McManamy
"You can't imagine what bliss I feel," he dared write, unaware that he was composing his symphonic suicide note.
A lone bassoon tentatively starts off the piece, coming across as the shy person afraid to speak up at a support group. Like considerate colleagues, the other instruments complete what the bassoon was trying to say and add their own conversational elements. Soon everyone in the room is talking or shouting, then everything dies down to a brittle hush. Unexpectedly, comes the kind of free-flowing music you find figure skaters gliding to, and this time the bassoon is in his element, merrily singing away. Close your eyes and you can imagine Oksana Baiul swirling through her free-skate program. That is, until the voice of God sweeps away everything in its path and the emotional roller coaster begins in earnest. Tympani and tuba sound the call, and trombones knock the stars out of the sky like so many doomed skittles. Then - abracadabra! - there's that ice-skating music again, only this time far more lush, but ultimately doomed to extinction, to be replaced by a restrained fanfare that ends in a whimper. Then, of all things, we have a 5/4 waltz for the second movement and a march in the third that the non-initiated mistake for the finale. But there will be no whizz-crash-bang to mark a triumphant conclusion to this symphony. This is his suicide note, remember? Instead we have a dirge. Adagio lamentoso, reads the score to the last movement. And nine days later, the composer is contemplating his glass of unfiltered water, about to lift it to his lips. Some have speculated that a homosexual scandal may have been the cause of his suicide. But Tchaikovsky needed no assist from the outside world. He had a long history of depression, documented in his diaries and correspondence. He had already attempted suicide once. And finally, there is Exhibit A, his finest work. His swan song from this world, his personal gift to me. For an excellent Tchaikovsky website, click here.. For three free issues of my depression and bipolar newsletter, mailto:jmcmanamy@snet.net and put "Newsletter" in the subject line and your email in the body.
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