The Desperation Point: Survivors of Suicide in Misery

diningroom and the smell had alerted people to the fact that something was terribly wrong. We didn't understand or listen to his messages of desperation. Suicide causes people to feel guilty.

And what of one of my Dad's friends, who lost her daughter to a bottle of pills? I experienced seeing the suffering the mother was undergoing. I had watched the many attempts she had made over the years, to help a child with mental disorders to no avail. Suicide waits out survivors watchfulness and then sneaks up from behind to rob us of our loved one.

I talked to an online friend who lost her mother to suicide last Christmas. I hear the same remarks she made to me last year. There seems to be no change or resolution of her feelings. Suicide is like being in quicksand. Survivors are stuck in their sadness and anger whirling around in an unending circle.

I listen to the music of one of my favorite bands and wonder what could have made the lead singer who you would think had everything, choose to end his life? But he told us he was thinking about suicide in the lyrics of his music. Why were we surprised? Suicide leaves us with the unanswered questions and the gaping holes where people we love and cared about travel through to leave us behind.

Yes, in these memories I began to believe that I did qualify as a survivor. If not as a survivor of loosing a spouse or child at least qualified to write an article for those who are looking for answers, comfort and/or closure.

The second site I visited was created by Tony Salvatore , in memory of Paul A. Salvatore, 1968-96. His site is called The Suicide Paradigm and offered readers useful pages to help survivors recover from their grief.

On Mr. Salvatore's page titled, Some Answers for Those New to Suicide Loss he addressed the folowing questions:

1. Why did this happens?
2. Why didn't I know?
3. Why didn't somebody do something?
4. Why do I feel like I'm going crazy?
5. Why can't I get over this?
6. Why doesn't anything help me?

His answers stimulated me to think that suicide caused many to project thoughts like, 'What kind of person am I, if my loved one, thought

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