The Desperation Point: Survivors of Suicide in Misery

The first site I visited was created by Linda Flatt, who lost her 25 year old son, Paul, in June of 1993. Her site is called Surviving Suicide A Web Site For Healing After The Loss Of A Loved One By Suicide. I was to read, at almost every site I visited, that the grief of losing someone to suicide is unique. The grief is accompanied by feelings of blame and guilt and most survivors get the most benefit and help by talking with other survivors.

It seemed that survivors were prone to obsess over many unanswered questions. It also was a repeated theme that one could not possibly understand this type of loss without having actually lost someone to suicide.

That idea gave rise to much soul searching on my part as to what had been my own personal experience as a suicide survivor. I asked myself the question "was I qualified to wear the label of 'suicide survivor?'"

At first, my mind was blank and then memories came in a flood of first, the boy who was my age and a friend from childhood. He had earned the distinction of being the class clown. He entertained us on the school bus as we passed the time on our early morning ride. He grew up to develop probelms in all areas of his life, became an alcoholic, and untimately killed himself in his early twenties. His suicide was so confusing because he alway appeared to be happy.

Then, there was the neighbor who lived next door to me, when I first married. He was a brother of one of my classmates and worked as a policeman. The bedroom he shared with his spouse was against the bedroom I shared with mine. I mention that bedroom, because one night he took his service revolver, and blew his brains all over the wall. Suicide can be a graphic and violent thing.

Then there was my husband's uncle who had spent many years caring for my husband's grandmother. He was such a kind man, but he had no life of his own. He was lonely and depressed after the death of his mother and seemed to no longer have any purpose. Why did it take a week and a half before ANYONE checked on his uncle? He had hung himself in the diningroom

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