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Individualizing the Grief of Miscarriage

© Teresa Robbins

After having suffered six miscarriages, I consider myself an expert on my grief experience. You may have noticed that I used the words, "suffering" and "my."

Suffering is defined as patiently or bravely undergoing or feeling pain or distress. I did, in fact, endure bravely because I did not take my own life and patiently because I repeatedly, of free will, kept trying to get pregnant and give birth to a live baby.

I chose to use the word, "my" because it has come to my awareness that the experience of grieving is different for everyone and changes as time goes by. This concept is the purpose of this article on individualizing the grief of miscarriage.

I began my research for this article in much the same way as I usually do. I came on a site for aiding grieving parents named , A Place to Remember. It had a Remembrance Book and a message board for Sharing.

Since it has been twenty-one years since my last miscarriage, I decided to read a few messages that were shared at that site. It wasn't long before I came across a complaint lodged there about remarks that were made by Kathie Lee Gifford, on May 17, 2001, during an interview she had with Matt Lauer on the "Today Show."

The complaint stated that Ms. Gifford had commented to Matt Lauer that having been nominated seven times for an Emmy for "Live with Regis and Kathie Lee," and not winning was like going to the hospital to have a baby and leaving without one. Information was left on the board advising the readers, how they could visit Ms. Gifford's web site, if they wished to voice their protest about these insensitive remarks.

There were nineteen responses posted there. I went to Ms. Giffords web site and found the following post and I quote:

"I've heard from several of you that you were upset by my comment on the Today Show about not winning an Emmy all those years. It breaks my heart to think that something I said in a casual way could cause pain in people who are already experiencing pain in their lives due to the loss of a child. I am so very sorry and I hope you will forgive my insensitivity. Having experienced two miscarriages myself I should have realized that the analogy I used might be misunderstood by others. For all of you who are experiencing the loss of a child, I pray God's peace and comfort in your hearts.

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