I also remembered thinking, 'Wow, after all the movies I've seen, I expected Him to have this big booming voice.' I said, "What do You mean?" He just repeated His statement.
I was tired at this point and I became irritated. I just wanted an answer...did not feel like reflecting on His statement. But somehow I knew He would just keep repeating the same thing.
I also knew He was full of kindness, love and infinite patience. He was not in any hurry. He would stick around as long as it took.
So, I said to myself..."OK...what have you been comtemplating, Teresa?" I realized that everything I had been thinking was negative. I said with some aggravation, "I get it...You want me to think positive."
I tried to consider all the positive things I could think of and all the things I had been hearing both at church and at the Al-Anon (my recovery program) meetings I had been attending. These were the words that came to me..."Be grateful."
I started listing all the things I was grateful for especially that my new baby had survived. I knew He had given that baby to me by special request. He expected me to stick around and care for her.
I knew He was affording me a free will to make the decision and that I would go or come back after I decided. After a few moments, I announced my decision to Him.
I was immediately propelled out of the tunnel and back through the darkness at warp speed to the ICU where the doctors were just getting ready to transport me into the operating room for two more surgeries.
My heart stopped twice while I was on the operating table. I woke up to see, a disbelieving doctor, sitting at the foot of my bed, shaking his head. I could not talk because I was on a respirator but I knew the doctor was trying to figure out why I was still alive.
I left the hospital one-month later, with special knowledge I had not previously had. I take no credit because it is God given knowledge.
The aftermath was knowledge of what happens when you die. I have used that knowledge as a nurse many times, to help terminally ill patients in their dying process.
I visited my beloved grandmother on her deathbed. She was in restraints and terrified. I closed her eyes because I knew that she was so close to death that she could only use one sense at a time.
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