Ghost Dog

I'll start this review with a disclaimer, because I have talked to people who said it "wasn't bad" and are surprised I disagree: My opinions are just that. If I were a professional movie reviewer, I'd get paid for my thumbs-up-thumbs-down opinions and people would flock to see movies I liked. As of yet, no one has offered me that job.

So here it is in its ugly entirety:

Let's start with the music, that hip hop/rap blend that I personally find annoying. If you hate me, play me this soundtrack. Be aware, though, that I may have to send a pigeon-training, roof-dwelling, high-tech, car-stealing, Samurai-talkin' hitman after you - one who handles a silenced pistol as if it were a sword, swirling it fancily around himself before holstering it.

I'm not a big Forest Whitaker fan, so I wasn't really expecting much from this flick anyway. But come on... I can think of three movies in my life I've actually turned off before finishing (Barton Fink, because it was so slow; Clockwork Orange, because I couldn't understand it; and Omega Code because it just stunk). You know how you keep waiting for a bad movie to get better, to redeem itself? This one had me waiting until the credits, which were quite good as far as credits go.

I tolerated being force-fed random quotes from Hagakure: The Book of the Samurai . I assume they were supposed to be deep, philosophical thoughts, but to my Western ears, they sounded suspiciously like long, badly written fortunes.

"Even if one's head were to be suddenly cut off, he should be able to do one more action with certainty. The last moments of Nitta Yoshisada are proof of this. Had his spirit been weak, he would have fallen the moment his head was severed. Recently, there is the example of Ono Doken. These actions occurred because of simple determination. With martial valor, if one becomes like a revengeful ghost and shows great determination, though his head is cut off, he should not die."

Uh, yeh, whatever. There was not much cutting off of heads in this movie, thankfully.

And please, what is this character, Ghost Dog's best friend, the ice cream man who only speaks French (and Ghost Dog doesn't speak a lick of it, of course)? How could a French-speaking ice cream man make a living in a big city full of aging, non-rent-paying, cartoon-watching mobsters led by a young mob princess named Louise? It defies logic.

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