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Answering a Bill Collector

© Dale Hartley

Someone emailed me the following message posted by a bill collector to an online bulletin board and asked how I would answer him. The collector's statements are reproduced (misspellings and all) below, followed by my answer.


"Read this message, you might learn something.....

I've worked for Bank One for well over a year, now. I'm a collector...that's right, I'm the guy that calls you at 8am on a Saturday to remind you of your incompitence [sic].

In the time that I've been with this company, I've heard many people whine and moan about how Bank One is "cheating" them. Well, to tell the trueth [sic], sometimes it happens. Some people wind up on the short end of the stick, but the majority of what I deal with, day in and day out, are people that A: Didn't read their card member agreement, or B: Think that they "know their rights."

I just want to make a couple of things very clear. If you're late with your payment, then you get a late fee. If you're over your limit, then you get an over limit fee. If you're late (even one day) twice in any six month billing cycle, then we will raise your APR (and don't try to tell us that we ahould offer a grace period, because if we did, you'd just send it later).

I'll tell you what, though, I have never had a job that made me laugh so much. If it weren't for you people, my job would be rather dull. When you yell at us, we use a mute button on our phone to laugh at you out loud. Oh, and when you ask for a supervisor, and we tell you "I'm sorry, but my supervisor is here for administrative purposes only..." we are usually looking right at our supervisor laughing at you...So, if you really want to find out who it is that's messing you over... look in the mirror!"


And my reply...

This is an eloquent argument as to why (1) you maybe should think twice about doing business with Bank One; or (2) if you're already getting calls from Bank One's distinguished collection representatives, refuse to deal with them by phone. Insist that all communications be put in writing.

When they call, say nothing. Don't explain. Simply hang up. This collector has already told you that all problems boil down to your "incompitence" (and when it comes to "incompitence," we're obviously dealing with experts here). When you try to explain or complain about Bank One's tactics, they hit the mute button and laugh at you. You want to speak to a supervisor? Ha. Ha. Ha.