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Mall Madness

© Erica Myers-Russo

Like political campaigns, the Christmas consumer season starts earlier every year. One minute Fido is drooling over the Thanksgiving Tofurkey carcass, and the next, it's Christmas. Or rather, Christmas shopping. The radio plays your favorite holiday tunes, the one family on your block who didn't put up their Christmas lights 3 weeks ago 'just to take advantage of this nice weather' is dialing 911 as Dad hangs by his fingertips from the icy gutter, and you're stumped.

What to get grandma? She never likes anything you send her anyway, and now that her dentures are giving her fits, you can't even fall back on the fruit basket. Your brother has everything, and your dust-covered husband grouses that all he wants is a new furnace. Nonetheless, you think you have it all under control, until one day you sneak a glance at the countdown calendar and realize you were off by at least one major holiday and suddenly, desperation sets in. No longer can you watch late night TV, sensibly immune to the crazed infomercials for rotating potato slicers and haircutting vacuum cleaner attachments and in-the-shell egg scramblers. Confused and weak, you are on the brink of succumbing to the siren songs of Billy-Bob Bass and Travis Trout.

You need help, and you have come to the right place. Follow these tips to simplify your gift-giving:

1. Consider homemade. Take inventory of your talents. Perhaps you could make beaded jewelry, or stitch up cool fleece hats - who said grandma doesn't want to look like a snowboarder? If you woodwork, you could whack together a jewelry box or bookshelf. Or do you prefer tatting?

   Hey now, no need to get hostile. It was just a suggestion. So you're no Martha Stewart. Let's try option two for opting out of mall madness:

2. Gift certificates. Always the right size, always in vogue. From services like massages and facials (Who couldn't use a little pampering?) to get-away weekends, from gadgets to restaurants, just about every place offers gift certificates these days. And best of all, no wrapping paper!

3. Think consumable. As more of us try to eliminate the useless stuff and suffocating clutter from our lives, it's time to look for low-impact gifts like food, travel, services, and memberships.

4. Shopping on line? Do it now. Even virtual stores get crowded, inventory runs low and shipping can be slow. So avoid the crazy-making crush by logging on early, and shop only sites you trust.