The Calm in the Eye of the Storm
a loved one. This is a release mechanism, and it prevents anxiety from becoming a debilitating factor when challenges take the center stage in my life. It also keeps me from bottling up fears that would later plague me if I allowed them to go unexpressed.
My fiancee deals with stress by remaining unfailingly optimistic. He refuses to give in to what he considers to be a "defeatest" attitude and focuses only on the positive, come what may. Some people may consider this approach to be infinitely more healthy. From a spiritual perspective, such is undoubtedly the case. From a purely psychological standpoint, it serves a similar purpose...it is a reaction that functions as an outlet, a channel, for tension.
This being said, it is easy to see how different coping mechanisms can rip through the ties of even the most stable relationship. When reactions are poles apart, misuderstandings arise, and resentment is born. How do we transform a stressful experience from being a source of division to a tool for greater unification? There are no easy answers, but this is what I have learned.
Understand reactions for what they ARE, not for what you perceive them to be:
Address the issue at hand, as opposed to your partner's reaction to it. I soon realized that becoming exasperated with my fiancee for being "naively indifferent" was entirely unreasonable. After all, he perceived my reaction to be tainted only by pessimism, and this was unabashedly false. We often colour the perceptions of others with our own subjective biases, and this can lead to serious communication breakdowns. I was frustrated with my partner for being "blind" to the potential dangers of our daughter's condition, and for being "emotionally detached". He was frustrated with me for being a "pessimistic doomsayer". In reality, we were both far off the mark. I was worried, and he was genuinely trying to remain optimistic. He looked to the future, and I was coping with each day on an individual basis. Both are valid and understandable coping mechanisms. We should never attack a person for having perspectives which differ from our own.
Accept each other:
If you dislike your partner's reaction to stress, remember that he or she may very well feel the same way about your own "infallible" tactics. Try to understand where the other person is coming from. If your wife is suffering from a degree of anxiety that appears "unbelievably spineless" to
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