The Calm in the Eye of the Storm
This contentious issue forced me to grapple with the darkest recesses of my faith, to ponder seemingly unanswerable questions that I did not feel prepared to address.
Philisophically, a dilemma such as this one is easily resolved. Somehow, parents who must face the unmentionable tragedy of losing a child have to learn the lessons that only such an experience can provide. After all, haven't we all heard of the incredible support group started by the mother whose child dies of cancer? What about the spiritual awakening experienced by the parents of a child who succumbs to crib-death? These tear-jerking stories bring about a profound sense of epiphany and meaning. But when such a horrific possibility threatens to devastate your family, its potential for enlightening the soul becomes markedly less palpable. In fact, such an experience often becomes the source of unspeakable agony and unbearable confusion.
I suddenly became extremely angry. Infuriated might be a more apt term for the emotional state that temporarily ursurped my sanity.
"GOD WANTED THIS TO HAPPEN TO MY CHILD???? JUST WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS ANYWAY?!? THIS CAN'T POSSIBLY TEACH ME ANYTHING I DON'T ALREADY KNOW!!"
"I should have realized that something like this would happen all along." I thought with leeching sarcasm. I was teetering dangerously close to the brink of Self-Pity Central.
My fiancee had very little sympathy for my plight. In my mind, he had transformed into this emotionally detached puritan who was unable (or unwilling) to express even the slightest degree of idignance, passion or uncertainty. His relentless confidence disturbed rather than encouraged me. In short, my reaction to our situation was completely different from his, and I could not understand how we could possibly approach the same situation from such radically opposing viewpoints. How could he remain so stoically "unaffected" by our daughter's condition? Why wasn't he even slightly nervous? It made no sense at all, as far as I was concerned.
Being in a more logical state of mind at present, I recognize that each person has a very unique way of handling life's numerous and varied stressors. My reaction, though perhaps extreme, was not at all uncommon. For awhile, I felt guilty about my anger. Now, I realize that this experience has helped me to understand how mind reacts to stress. As an emotionally charged person, the tension I feel sometimes degenerates into anger, particularly if it involves the plight of a
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