The primary purpose behind a marriage proposal was to "make a good match" or, otherwise stated, to increase wealth. Often, the interested suitor would approach the girl's father and present his desire to court the daughter or the fathers would confer together to come up with a suitable dowry arrangement. The young couple involved was generally expected to bow to their elder's wishes, although a young woman could sometimes persuade her father to deny the attentions of an unwanted suitor. If permission was requested but denied, the couple was expected to end the relationship (if one existed). Often, the girl's father would threaten to withhold financial support (i.e., the dowry) if his daughter insisted on marrying an unsuitable suitor.
Once permission was obtained, a courtship could begin. Contrary to today's standards, couples in colonial America did not "date". But often they did bundle. Contrary to the bundling scene in the movie "The Patriot", bundling was generally only found in New England and had lost it's popularity by the French and Indian War. Cold houses and six-day workweeks made it necessary for couples to devise new ways to socialize. Bundling consisted of a couple sleeping in the same bed, fully clothed. Often, they were sewn into their bedclothes and/or a board was placed between them. Assuming nothing untoward would happen, the couple was free to chat through the night. However, as the number of premature births rose among newly married couples, New England ministers began to condemn the practice of bundling. Both the British New Englanders and the Dutch practiced bundling for about 100 years before it fell out of favor. In other areas, most courtships were carried out at group events such as dances or at church or a woman could receive callers in their home.
The high rate of mortality for both men and women meant that courting could become a lifelong practice. Women who had children generally remarried quickly in order to have a male manage their property (although some women did this for themselves) and men who had young children quickly remarried in order to have a mother for their children. It wasn't uncommon for a person to marry three or more times during their lifetime. Widows were particularly sought after since the lucky man who married one was able to acquire whatever wealth had been inherited from her former husband(s). It was also known for older widowers to abandon their courtship of the chosen widow if she demanded too high a price for her hand (i.e., a carriage or a yearly allowance).
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