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The Amazing Neon and Atomic Presidential Time Jalopy

© Dane Mitchell Donato

Generally believed to be a device strictly out of the pages of science fiction, in fact, the time machine has been around since 1951. My own model was build by Ford, but no dealership man from that period would recognize the cool modifications I’ve achieved since buying it at a tag sales in Patterson, New Jersey in the late 1970s. The tail fins are functional, although the fuzzy dice are just there ‘cause I like them, same as the lava lamp.

Today only, I want to take you on a rare junket to change the face of the US presidency. We will do that by zipping by the White House of many eras, offer the Commander in Chief a spin around the block, and then watch the fun begin as we change American history. And don’t you worry, it has as well as will already have happened, so it is not going mess up our present time and place (as nice as that might actually be). Maybe next trip.

Richard M. Nixon and the War of 1812

For a guy who never got a chance to breach the Bamboo Curtain, Nixon didn’t do too badly in place of James Madison. Sadly, the world will never know the joys of Dolly Madison snack cakes, and Nixon never did have to resign from office in disgrace, as the Brits went and torched the White House in 1814, so destroying any evidence of illegal taping sessions.

The fact that the technology wouldn’t be invented for over 100 more years didn’t hurt Nixon’s reputation, either. What happened to Nixon after his 2nd term of office expired in 1817? He went out west, to California, to settle there before he was even born. Pundits claim they will one day open a library in his honor.

Ronald Reagan and the Revolutionary War

First in War, first in Peace, first in the Hearts of his Countrymen, that is the way school children have and always will idolize Ronald Reagan, our first president. History tells us that Reagan had garnered quite a reputation as a thespian on the stages of storied London Town. After reinventing himself as a politician, he sailed a leaky garbage scow to the colonies to become a petty colonial official.

Then, with war clouds scudding the horizon, Reagan answered the call to duty, not as a general leading bodies of men into mortal combat against the red coated devils, but instead, back in Washington making training and propaganda films. This was quite a feat, but he did it.