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Reciprocity as a Disciplinary Tactic

© Thomas Robertson

"Hey, Baldy! You'd better be careful in a bowling alley!"

These words were hollered to me from a distance, just as I was leaving the school on my first day as a substitute in the sixth grade. It took some courage, but I walked up to the perpertrator of that taunt. The student must not have anticipated this, because he looked frightened.

"Do you think that's very respectful?" I said, softly and gently. He shook his head.

"Well, I'd like to ask for a little more respect, because I'll never insult you." He didn't say anything.

"Whatcha got in that case?"

"A saxophone."

"I play the violin. I wish we could get together and jam." The student managed a slight smile.

I gave the child an affectionate squeeze on the shoulder and walked away. "It was nice talking to you."

When confronted with a student acting disrespectfully, the reciprocity argument is usually very powerful. It would take a resistant student indeed to maintain that you owe the student respect but the student doesn't owe you respect.

There is just one prerequisite, though: you have to be respectful toward that student in the first place. Are you respectful toward students?

I hope you are, but I've known many teachers who aren't.

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