The Name's Fowl. Artemis Fowl.

It isn't prose that Colfer writes; instead, he aims for mise en scène and movie dialogue. Unfortunately, the world of Artemis Fowl is a place where people habitually spout phrases like "lock and load" and other tough-guy idioms. They talk fast and shoot faster, much to the detriment of plot and characterisation. There is so much violence in these books that you forget it's about a kid. And if Artemis Fowl advances at a brisk clip, The Arctic Incident practically races to its unsatisfying finish. Unsatisfying, because it is a blatant overture to Book III (Artemis Fowl: The Troll Who Loved Me?), and is unconvincing in the depiction of Fowl's epiphany. We are introduced to Fowl Senior, previously believed dead but actually being held hostage by the Russian Mafiya. We're meant to care because he was last seen disavowing his life of crime, and we hope Junior will be following his father's lead.

Some convoluted plot manoeuvres force Fowl Jr. to turn to his erstwhile nemesis, Captain Holly Short, for some fairy help; the unprecedented relationship forged between Mud People and fairies is one of reluctant mutual cooperation, but they all learn to have some grudging respect for the other. This affords the return of a character from the first book, just in the nick of time--sort of a dwarf ex machina that's meant to be a pleasant surprise when in fact it was always painfully obvious. In the end, Artemis finds his father alive and his mother restored to health, and even manages to reply in the affirmative when asked by his school counsellor if he respects anyone enough to treat them as his equal. Where he was imperious and resistant to any kind of authority (school, leprechaun cops, or any adult except for Butler), now the boy is domesticated. Since Colfer planned an Artemis Fowl trilogy, it's a safe bet that Book III will likely feature a kinder, perhaps less criminal Artemis, teaming up with the leprechauns against a common foe. Yet I doubt that any amount of hardware and magic can infuse this franchise with the charm and longevity innate to truly good writing.

Visit Artemis Fowl on the web: http://www.artemisfowl.com

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