'The Thought of High Windows': Memory of Evil

others are returned to the chateau after a week, but "life seems very precarious". Walter and Esther reconcile, only to have their "fragile spell" shattered by news that the French have surrendered to Germany. The Gestapo come to the chateau demanding the handover of young men aged eighteen and older. Fear rouses Esther to action. In an act that foreshadows her movements in the Underground later, she rushes to the boys' dormitory and urges the older ones to hide. They climb out the window and hide on the ledge, but tragically, two boys hesitate. They are found and are taken away. After this incident the directrice sends away the elder children. The Underground, for whom she will one day work, provides Esther with a new Gallic identity. Esther--now known as Nicole Chausson--one boy, and two other girls take the train to Lyon.

En route to an address provided by the Underground, the children are stopped by a Nazi soldier. As they cannot provide identification papers, they are locked up in a cell in Gestapo headquarters. (The soldiers check Manfred, the boy, and know he is Jewish because he is circumcised.) While the others cower, Esther tries to incite them to escape, to jump out of the window. "'This isn't a parlor game--we don't get to start life again if we lose.' My mouth tastes so bitter I can barely get the words out." In the middle of the night, she resolves to leave, even if her girth will make passing through the window difficult. She wonders "whether it's forgivable to leave the others," but then she glimpses the moon through the window. The moon signifies life and the hope that she will see Walter again. The hope of freedom is more powerful than any physical constraints. Hence, she is torn between guilt and anger at the others for not wanting to leave, but with "barely a pause" and despite her size, Esther "sail[s] out" the window.

She is destitute until an old woman named Madame Blanche finds her. Madame clothes her, feeds her, and gives her a bed to sleep in. With the help of Madame and a young man Esther privately nicknames Sad Eyes, Esther adopts the identity of Solange LeGrand and becomes an Underground operative. She finds work at a factory, and writes letters to Walter--letters she's not sure he'll ever read. She dyes her hair blonde-to disastrous effect-only

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