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Making a List

© Hilary Evans

Recently a friend of mine came to me with an irritating problem. Every year their children choose one toy to ask Santa for, and this year all three have chosen toys that are complete junk. I've looked the toys over and I had to agree with her. Her big question was, should she try to talk them into toys that they'd probably like more or spend big bucks on toys she knows wont last? For me this is just more evidence that holiday lists are a very bad idea.

I'm not talking about lists you make for shopping. Writing down your ideas for what everyone wants and marking them off as you go is a smart idea. It's part of basic money management during the holidays, and any other time of year. We use a list every time we go grocery shopping to help stay focused on our needs and fight off temptations lurking in the checkout aisle. No, what I mean by holiday lists are the "What I Want for Christmas" lists that end so many parents in trouble.

The truth is: Christmas is Fun No Matter What's Under the Tree! I remember running to the living room Christmas morning and diving under the tree. One of my favorite gifts from Santa Claus was a can of giant black olives. As I grew up I realized that my grandfather lovingly wrapped these for us each year. It was a wacky tradition that he borrowed from his father that I've kept up with our kids. They love their black olives too. Strangely enough I don't remember most of the other presents I got at Christmas.

Lists, in my opinion, also give your child the impression that you don't want to take the time to get to know them. We may live in an age pressed for time, but that doesn't excuse not taking a few minutes to sit and talk with our children...finding out what interests them and what doesn't. If my husband told me to make a list of what I wanted for our anniversary I would be a little offended that he didn't want to 'waste' his time figuring it out on his own. Why would our children feel any different?

In the end I told my friend to explain what the year has been like - hard for everyone, including Santa. Instead of listing one thing they would expect to get, ask about a handful of things they might like receiving. Being able to TALK to her children about what they like, what the family can afford, and what she feels is appropriate is a heck of a lot more beneficial than asking them to write it down and tell it to Santa. It also gives her an idea of the kinds of things her children are involving themselves in, and setting a great practice that will help her deal with more serious issues in the future.

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