Handling Conflict Online
© Hilary Evans
As a chat host, I've had the opportunity to help solve conflicts between users. Sometimes strangers come and end up staying to cause trouble, but unfortunately friends also get in long-term battles that could have been solved in seconds. Knowing the fastest way to get yourself out of a situation is your key to handling conflict in chat rooms and message boards safely.
Why fastest is best
As dear as your online friends may be, sometimes much more truthful and supportive than anyone you know in the 3D World, the internet is not your neighborhood. Statements that are said once have a habit of resurfacing again and again. Personal emails get forwarded, logs of chats get shared, and message board posts are revisited and brewed over. Getting out of the situation takes away the power of repetition.
Reactions can be swift and severe. In the 3D World we deal with physical reactions to what we say and do. We see the tears, and they aren't nearly as easy to laugh over. We are also able to get the true meaning of what is said to us through use of body language. In the 3D World, the question or comment that rattles you for weeks through the internet may very well have been brushed off as sarcasm.
As comebacks get nastier, the emotions grow more serious. Soon threats come into the picture. "Don't email me again or I'll have your service terminated." "You keep showing people my email and you'll have trouble." Once friendships end, serious consequences can come into the picture.
Take the situation of two girls, we'll call them Jamie and Anna, who had become friends while posting at a message board. There was a discussion on abortion (an issue that knowingly can get very hot on both sides). Both girls ended up saying things that offended each other. The board director told them to ignore each other's posts or "take it to email." They did, and that was when the problems really started.
After exchanging several rude emails, Anna went to an X rated site and posted Jamie's email address and information about her hometown and school. Jamie started getting email from adult men who thought she wanted to participate in certain acts, and could have found her using the information Anna had posted. Fortunately one of the men gave Jamie the url of the site the ad was posted. The web master was able to remove it immediately. Still, it was a very scary situation...for both girls. Neither one really understood how things had gotten so out of control.
