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Childhood Abuse & Neglect

© Cara Swann

You may be wondering what this title topic has to do with being childfree? While many childfree adults have come from loving, supportive childhoods, there are others of us who came from dysfunctional homes. Over the years, I've often been shocked and dismayed at how often a pattern of abuse is handed down from one generation to the next. And while some do overcome abusive childhoods to become good parents, very few do it without counseling and self-searching and insight. Unfortunately, having a child is sometimes a thoughtless action, without any insight into how an individual's background can affect their ability to parent.

As I've written in previous articles, I am the eldest child of dysfunctional parents, and had too much responsibility at a young age. Therefore, unlike many of those who come from abusive homes, I gave much thought to the demands of parenting. For myself, I chose not to have children, and yes, I DID realize that I was at risk for being a dysfunctional parent due to my own upbringing. And while this played a part in my decision to remain childfree, it wasn't the only reason as I've elaborated previously. However, at least I gave THOUGHT to the consequences of how my parenting ability might be crippled due to my own dysfunctional parents.

Would it be too much to ask that ALL individuals look long and hard and clearly, objectively at their own childhoods before making the decision to parent? And that those from dysfunctional homes take steps to improve parenting skills by getting counseling prior to having children? Or perhaps it is as one person suggested about some from dysfunctional/abusive backgrounds: "They don't know what they don't know."

Recently there was another horrendous child abuse/neglect story in the news about a child in St. Louis, Missouri. Quoting from the news article: "Tuesday morning police found the torn and mangled body of 10-year-old Rodney McAllister lying under a tree in Ivory Perry Park on the city's far west side. . . . his body ripped to death by wild dogs. His mother, who had a history of drug use and other problems, didn't know he was missing. The family says the state Division of Family Services twice took Rodney and his brother away from their mother, and twice gave them back." Aside from the social problems this brings to mind, what are we to make of the mother? If it were more acceptable NOT to have children, might she have opted out of giving birth? Or at least had enough insight into her own problems to surrender her children to social serivces where they would be placed in foster care? Should this woman have had children to begin with?

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