Early Childfree Influences


© Cara Swann

Most childfree adults can recall certain childhood memories that influenced us to make our choice about not having children. Perhaps it was a favorite childfree relative; or something our own parents or grandparents said or did; or interaction with other children; or societal situations that made a lasting impression upon us in regard to our life choice.

I had a favorite aunt and uncle who were childfree, and I used to be invited to their home. Having three siblings the noise and activity level in our home was hectic and distracting, so I always enjoyed visiting my aunt's house where peace and quiet reigned. Additionally, my aunt always treated me much more like an adult than a kid. Of course, I had always felt older than my peer group, perhaps because I was the eldest child or just didn't relate well to other children. At any rate, I can recall thinking that I would love to have a peaceful, orderly home just like my aunt and uncle's.

My paternal grandparents were also influential in my childhood. I was the first grandchild, and we lived with my grandparents until I was six years old. My parents were barely more than teenagers themselves, and enjoyed going out and leaving me with my grandparents. As a result, I grew emotionally close to my grandparents. Being the only child in a family of adults, perhaps I responded by acting more like adults than children. And this may also be true of an only child, when they aren't around other children much.

As a teenager myself, I spent part of every summer with my grandparents and loved the solitude of their large farm. And while I loved my siblings and parents, I still realized at a young age that I needed a great deal of time alone, a lot of peace and quiet. It was easy to see that without children, there would be more opportunity for privacy and my own space. So without doubt, my aunt and uncle's and my grandparents' peaceful lives did make me realize that without children I'd have a better chance at the kind of lifestyle I wanted.

Grandparents can contribute in other ways, such as what this childfree person says, "One of the reasons why I never had children was because no one in my family ever played the script (i.e. when you have children) for me. I was raised by my grandparents, having been dumped on them (as my brothers had been) when I was six. Grandma never wanted to get married, she never wanted children. So while she never came out and said "Live alone, don't have children," she never ONCE told me anything about when you have children of your own."

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Here's the follow-up discussion on this article: View all related messages

4.   Nov 22, 2000 9:33 AM
In response to message posted by Beth_Page:


Although I'm only 21 and a college student, My early experience came when I w ...


-- posted by Moreau


3.   Nov 5, 2000 12:40 PM
Even as a child, I never cared for other people's children. The thought of growing up and being a mother made me cringe. I grew up in the Seventies during the wave of the "single/divorced mother". ...

-- posted by nosprogsAH


2.   Oct 9, 2000 3:52 PM
Beth,
Welcome to the forum and thank you so much for sharing your own feelings on early childhood influences. Your experiences gave you valid reasons to think through the issues that can arise when d ...

-- posted by Authoress


1.   Oct 8, 2000 5:55 PM
I was never comfortable around kids as long as I can remember. I didn't like being a camp counselor dealing with kid issues when I was a teen. Being in other situations around children in my 20's and ...

-- posted by Beth_Page





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