For The Undecided — Part II

In the previous part of this article, I discussed some of the serious questions one has to ask before deciding to become a parent. Again, giving this decision deep, reflective thought will benefit not only you, but your mate and any children you might have.

If some of your reasons for having a child is that you fear you might 'miss out on something' or 'be bitter in your old age' or 'have no one to take care of you in old age'...reconsider these ideas from a different perspective. Parenting can be a rewarding experience, but it also can be a difficult, frustrating experience. Can you accept the difficulty and frustration if the rewarding moments are seldom or never? As for being bitter in your old age, consider that you might find rewarding experiences with youngsters in another capacity instead of having your own.

And when it comes to 'having no one to take care of you in old age' this is one of those common fallacies: children do not always care for their elderly parents. In fact, visit a nursing home and see how many elderly folks you find who are more bitter because their children don't visit than those there who don't have any children to visit. According to Life Prints, G. Baruch, "There is no difference in well-being of the elderly associated with parenthood, even among widows over 60 years old. What does make a difference is whether the older person has strong ties to friends and siblings."

Do you want a family and all that will entail in a lifestyle? It is a way of life, particularly when having several children -and it does impact your marriage, and your relationship with your mate in many ways. Do some research and reading from both perspectives - from those who do have children, and those who don't. Ask questions of these people, listen carefully to what they have to say...perhaps it will help you decide.

Are you concerned about the environment? Problems of over-population? Will this play a significant part in your decision? Read more about this aspect here.

At this time, we are living in a pro-natal society, and the culture is geared to assisting you with child-rearing in many ways. But this may not always be the case, and isn't it really your responsibility, since it is your choice? If you don't have immediate family nearby to willingly help you, how do you feel about day care? If you are female do you want to stay home with your child in the pre-school years? If so, will this be financially possible? If you have a successful career, can you afford to give it up for a few years to stay home? Do you assume you can 'have it all,' in spite of the fact that many women trying to do this today are now saying they are stressed and overworked, have no time for themselves, and want more help from social programs in child-rearing?

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