Our family is going to get larger, hopefully one day soon. We are hoping to adopt two of our former foster children within the next few months. These are older children, ages 8 and 11, so bringing them into our home will mean major changes. Our six year old son is very excited that his sisters are coming back to live with us. He has been an only child for almost two years now so it will be an adjustment for him. My husband and I have been the parents of an only child for almost two years so we are terrified.
Why? Because we love these children with all our hearts, but they haven't been raised in our family. Their values, mannerisms, and memories are different from ours. They will bring with them their fears, scars, and resentments. We have to take their past and ours and somehow blend a family. It won't be easy.
It will be worth it, because along with their scars and anger, they also bring their hearts. They will bring their loving personalities and their unique perspectives. One has a capacity for joy that amazes us, the other craves affection that we are longing to give. The simple things we enjoy in raising our son will be tripled. Santa will leave three piles and there will be three voices taking turns saying grace at meals.
We have heard so many warnings about doing this. People who mean well want to warn us about all the bad things that could happen. Do any of us get any guarantees with our children? Do we know when we bring our beautiful new babies home from the hospital that they won't hurt us or cause us to grieve for any number of reasons? We are taking a chance on these children and they are taking a chance on us.
There are thousands of children waiting for adoption in this country. Most of them are "special needs" which can mean anything from over the age of three to severely challenged both physically and mentally. It might mean that they are part of a sibling group or an ethnic minority. A "special needs" label just means that there is something about these children that makes it hard to find adoptive homes. Most people considering adoption want healthy, newborn infants. I wish that people were more informed about the other children in our country available for adoption. There is nothing wrong with wanting to adopt an infant, but it is often very difficult. Some families won't consider adopting older children or children with disabilities because they are afraid. It isn't right for everyone, but it can be an amazing way to build a family. If you are considering adoption, please don't dismiss children with "special needs." Educate yourself about all your options and then make an informed choice.
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