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The Foster/Adopt Experience

© Dena Standley

Our journey into foster parenting started with a phone call to the State Department of Social Services. We had discussed the idea of fostering and/or adopting children for years. There was a training program starting almost immediately and we signed up. The class lasted ten weeks at four hours per week. It was taught by two social workers that were committed to making sure that everyone there made an informed decision. We decided to pursue the foster/adopt program that meant that we would be dually certified as foster and/or adoptive parents.

Foster parenting is a temporary commitment to a child. As a foster parent you are part of a team. The concept is called co-parenting. We would provide a safe home for a child and work with caseworkers, judges and, when possible, the biological parents, in making decisions about what was best for the child. Most of these children go back to their biological parents or to other relatives that eventually decide to take custody. To be an effective foster parent you must be able to love a child completely, yet be able to let go if and when it is determined to be in the child's best interest.

Adoption is a lifetime commitment to a child. When an adoption is finalized you become the parent for that child just as though you had given birth. During our training I also realized that there are a lot of misconceptions about adoption. Because of recent events in the media surrounding adoption, people view it as frightening. We legally adopted our son almost a year ago (he has lived with us for four and half years) and people still ask "what will you do if they try to take him away from you?"

Adoptions are forever. The adoption process can take anywhere from six months to several years, but once this process is completed, the judge signs a Final Decree of Adoption. This decree states that this child is yours just as if born to you. After the Final Decree it is extremely rare for an adoption to be overturned unless there was something illegal about the adoption.

We have had four foster children and our son since our training five years ago. They have all touched our lives ways we would have never guessed. Whatever they may have learned in our home can not compare to the lessons that they taught us. Based on our experience I would never discourage someone from fostering or adopting a child through social services. I would tell them to be as well informed as possible. Be ready to advocate for yourself and the children in your care. Make sure you have a support system of family, friends or other foster parents. Accept the fact that you can not fully prepare yourself for what is to come. Then I would tell them that they might one day be amazed at how much changing the lives of children has changed their own lives.