Self Help - Part VI in the Self Injury series

it doesn't just come. You can't theorize about new coping techniques until one day they're all in place and your life is changed. You have to work, to struggle, to make yourself do different things. When you pick up that knife or that lighter or get ready to hit that wall, you have to make a conscious decision to do something else. At first, the something else will be a gut-level primitive, maybe even punishing thing, and that's okay -- the important thing is that you made the decision, you chose to do something else. Even if you don't make that decision the next time, nothing can take away that moment of mastery, of having decided that you were not going to do it that time. If you choose to hurt yourself in the next crisis time, you will know that it is a choice, which implies the existence of alternative choices. It takes the helplessness out of the equation.

So what do I do instead? Many people try substitute activities as described above and report that sometimes they work, sometimes not. One way to increase the chances of a distraction/substitution helping calm the urge to harm is to match what you do to how you are feeling at the moment. First, take a few moments and look behind the urge. What are you feeling? Are you angry? Frustrated? Restless? Sad? Craving the feeling of SI? Depersonalized and unreal or numb? Unfocused?

Next, match the activity to the feeling. A few examples:

angry, frustrated, restless Try something physical and violent, something not directed at a living thing: Slash an empty plastic soda bottle or a piece of heavy cardboard or an old shirt or sock. Make a soft cloth doll to represent the things you are angry at. Cut and tear it instead of yourself. Flatten aluminum cans for recycling, seeing how fast you can go. Hit a punching bag. Use a pillow to hit a wall, pillow-fight style. Rip up an old newspaper or phone book. On a sketch or photo of yourself, mark in red ink what you want to do. Cut and tear the picture. Make Play-Doh or Sculpey or other clay models and cut or smash them. Throw ice into the bathtub or against a brick wall hard enough to shatter it. Break sticks. I've found that these things work even better if I rant at the thing I am cutting/tearing/hitting. I

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