Summarized by Ann-Marie Clark
Morris Mosley is the father of three children and holds a master's degree in social work. His talk focused on the fact that research shows that children from homes where chores and routines are part of family life grow up to become better decision-makers. His talk was designed to help parents understand the importance of routines, and it offered ways for parents to establish routines for children of various ages. He examined the various stages of development in children and explained the importance of parents "upping the ante" in terms of their expectations for the routines of their children as they pass through these stages. He began by focusing on the characteristic tasks of each stage.
The Critical Tasks of Development: Birth through Adolescence
Trust: The task of this stage is to develop a mutual relationship of trust with your child that will eventually influence the child's ability to trust throughout his or her life. This trust-building is viewed by many as the most critical task, because all future tasks are based on its successful completion. Trust is built by responding to your child's needs consistently, because you are the child's only means for survival. Infants do not view themselves as separate beings but as extensions of you. Or more appropriately, you are an extension of them.
Autonomy: The task of this stage is to develop a sense of separateness and mobility and an understanding of time and distance. Your child has now gained an understanding of being separate from you, and of maintaining that separateness for periods of time with the trust that you will be there when he returns. The responsiveness of your 2-year-old in many ways is based on your responsiveness to her during infancy.
Competence: The task of this stage is to be "good" at something. Now that he has ventured out into his environment, it is extremely important to your child to master some area of that environment. Children will be interested in joining everything from ballet to judo, team sports, chorus, and lessons of all kinds. They are looking for the "thing" that validates who they are outside the family. They are watching peers become successful and gain approval from others (adults) because of their success. School is one such performance-based environment; performance is directly tied to approval. Competence, in turn, is directly tied to self-esteem.
Identity: The task of this stage is self-determination. Now that your teen has built trust in you, herself, and her environment and mastered her environment by demonstrations of her competence, she begins to wonder why she needs your approval in order to validate her competence. After all, she did all the work, right? Your teen is now insisting on her own identity on her own terms. Teens' peers seem to have a greater influence in their lives, and parents may feel "left out." The essential task here is to continue to help the teen build self-image, self-esteem, and self-concept, keeping in mind that adolescents are generally self-absorbed.
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