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New Year's Resolutions for Parents: How to Parent Yourself

© Sheri Wallace

Being the parent of a child or teen who is mentally ill is not easy. Often the challenges of parenting your child can be overwhelming. The professionals treating your child are required to focus on the needs of your child, and this can leave you, the parent, without an advocate. Having someone advocate for your rights, both as a parent, and as a person, is vital. Without support and advocacy, parents can become exhausted and depressed when facing the long battles often necessary to get their child the best help possible. Even in the best of situations, parents need help and support, and time to renew their spirit.

Therefore, your first resolution this year should be to find an advocate for you. A family member may be willing to fill this role, or perhaps a good friend. Make it clear that they are working for you, not your child. This may seem harsh or uncaring, but although your child needs every ounce of compassion she can get, you need someone to care about you in the same way. Remember that you are developing a network of people to advocate for your child. You deserve one person to advocate for you.

This site contains links to many websites that contain advocacy information for parents. There are several national organizations who can help you and offer advice. Look for local chapters of these organizations close to where you live, and contact them. You can join an email list for support from other parents who may have already faced your challenges. Ask your child's doctor for her recommendations. Whatever the source, advocacy serves to make sure that your needs are being met, and your rights are not violated.

Your second resolution might be to become more assertive. The next time someone suggests that you are the cause of your child's behavior, and not the disorder, what are you going to do? Will you listen to the advice on how to better discipline your child yet another time? Will you wearily accept the criticism and privately wonder what is wrong with you? Or will you firmly and calmly say thank you, but no thanks? Being assertive does not mean that you lose your temper or yell and scream. Being assertive means that you are able to stand up for yourself, defend your parenting techniques (even though you shouldn't have to), and explain yet again what your you and your child need. Being assertive requires you to remain calm in the face of stupidity or spite. Rise above the occasion to take you or your child out of the offensive situation. Do not allow an incompetent or ignorant remark to pass by if answering could educate. Future parents will thank you when they meet someone who learned from your assertiveness.

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