Others have memories of being on the sidelines, watching others' friendships, feeling lonely and left out. Everything difficult about being a kid.
Whichever it may be, we are often eager for our young children to make friends and begin experiencing the joys of friendships. We often are troubled when our toddlers and preschoolers don't "play well", won't share their toys, and when an afternoon of play turns into World War III.
While our hopes and expectations are of course well-intentioned, there are a variety of reasons why they may be inappropriate.
First of all, young children are not capable of sociability in the adult sense; they are pretty much looking out for themselves, and haven't mastered the concept of empathy enough for them to play harmoniously in pairs or groups. For most young children, especially toddlers, the only person that matters is "me" (which of course is normal and expected). Furthermore, young children are still shaky on matters of right and wrong, and unable to control many impulsive behaviors (taking, throwing, pinching, etc.).
Fear not, brave teachers; over the next couple of years, you will see extraordinary changes in your kids' friend-making skills. Following are some ways in which you can help them reach that point:
Focus on self-esteem, because children need to feel good about themselves before they can reach out to others.
Start one-on-one, and never force children to play together. Some children just don't care for group play. Also stay away from threesomes, at least at first. Too often one of the three will suffer at the hands of the other two.
Don't expect togetherness; parallel play is still the norm. A few more months or year down the road, and you will see actual interraction.
Stay neutral but nearby, so that you can supervise, but try not to interfere. Definitely avoid taking sides, even if you know that one child is in the wrong. Calmly break up the skirmish, and move along. Most likely both kids will forget about any conflict in a few minutes, anyway.
Accept childrens unique and varying social styles, just as you would an adults'.
Offer lots of opportunities for practice, but never apply pressure--time and space will tell.
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