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"Whatcha Got?"

© Marilyn Stueben-Brasuell

To this day, I catch myself (usually in the nick of time) saying the one phrase that really gets on my nerves: "Whatcha got?". Ever since I began to take notice of how adults behave around children, including how they speak to one another and to young children, certain phrases make me cringe. One minute we will be saying something like "Whatcha got?" and the next we will be correcting the child for saying the same thing. As the childcare industry slowly turns down the path of respectful caregiving, it is becoming even more important to model appropriate language, as well as behavior. I've had to train myself to re-word my questions. What is more meaningful to a child: "Whatcha got?", "What do you have?" or, "Karly, tell me about what you are holding?" The last example is the best, for several reasons. It uses the child's name; it gives the child unlimited choices in how he would like to describe the object; it does not assume that whatever it is, we have no idea what the child meant it to be. This is very important in artwork; saying "What is it?" can be very hurtful and esteem-reducing to a child. "Tell me about those colors", on the other hand, opens up a whole conversation.

This is not to say that we all have to be masters of proper English; all we have to do is think about what we are saying. And, we must remember what is developmentally appropriate. It is perfectly normal for a 2 or 3 year old to misuse pronouns. Our language has become so infiltrated with new words and influences from other languages that it is difficult at times to know what is proper and what isn't. We have 4 year olds talking about Dotcoms and dozens of words that weren't even heard of (literally) a year ago. The world of marketing offers no help either, where "R" replaces "Are" or "Our" and is even backwards at times! It is now perfectly fine to start a sentence with the word "and"; I see it everyday in newspapers and novels. When I was in school, it was practically a sin to do so.

The important concept is how we want our children to be heard and respected. We need to break our own bad habits first, just like with anything else. If we smoke cigarettes, it is very likely our children are going to smoke also. If we eat only junk food, the same thing happens. The days of "Do as I say, not as I do" seem to have come to an end, which may be a signal to us that our children look up to us more than ever. If you notice a pattern, especially with an older child, pay attention to your own language; if you believe that the culprit lies with the parents or other family, you may want to (tactfully) voice your concern. Writing something positive, such as "Billy and I have been working on the words 'I have' instead of 'I gots', and he is making wonderful progress!" is much more professional than something like "I can't get Billy to stop saying 'I gots'". Of course, as in all things, actions speak louder than words; model the best language you can, as early as you can, and it will rub off.

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